If you can't get a star, wait.
If you can't wait for a star doing an Oscar blow-by-blow here you go....
All spelling and grammar errors apologized for ahead of time.
8:40 Chris Rock is doing Bush jokes. He's getting laughs. His comparison of Bush and someone working at The Gap is killing.
He doesn't look comfortable when he has to shout out to the other side of the aisle.
8:44 Halle Berry and Art Direction. Oh. God. They have all the nominees on stage.
8:47 Chris introduced Renée Zellweger with a joke he liked. "Last year she put on 25 pounds to play Bridget Jones, this year she's putting on 80 pounds to play Deacon Jones."
8:50 Morgan Freeman gets the Oscar he deserved for Shawshank Redemption. I think this bodes well for a Million Dollar Baby sweep...
8:52 A horrible Pepsi commercial. Kirk Douglas in Spartacus. My young, beautiful, intelligent wife says "Can't they leave the dead alone?" I tell her he is still alive. He is, isn't he?
8:57 Robin Williams. Animated Films. The Oscar goes to the Incredibles, but I'm more interested in the fact that WNBA players are handing the Oscars to the presenters. Williams is a foot and a half shorter than the woman standing beside him.
9:00 Cate Blanchett is giving her Oscar from the middle of the audience. All the the makeup people are sitting beside her. Lemony Snicket wins and they take a step to a microphone. The director cuts to Dustin Hoffman giving a standing ovation. Why?
9:03 Beyoncé is singing in French. I ask my wife for her take. "I hear a word or two here and there. Otherwise it sounds Italian to me." (Note: My wife is Francophone.)
9:07 A Blondie song in a commercial. I say it publicly here and now: use a song from my teens or 20s in a commercial and I'll boycott you.
9:08 A funny take on the "priceless" commercials. A cashier makes his own commercial with two customers.
9:10 A local commercial. I wonder what the rest of the country is seeing.
9:11 Chris Rock at the Magic Johnson Theatre. This is priceless. He's talking to people who haven't seen a single nominated film. I hope someone in film production is listening. I doubt it though.
9:13 Why is Scarlett Johansson in a balcony? Oh! Sci-tech. The Oscar ghetto.
9:15 Costume Design: All nominees on stage again. The Incredibles character looks much better than when Bevis and Butthead sat in the audience. She looks more real than Pierce Brosnan. What's up with his voice?
9:19 "When he's not dazzling us with his acting ability, he's boring us with his politics." Rock introduces Tim Robbins. Supporting Actress goes to Blanchett.
9:25 A nice Johnny Carson piece.
9:29 Best Documentary given by Leonardo DiCaprio. Born into Brothels wins.
9:32 Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom give the Film Editor award. We've hit the dull lull of the awards. The audience politely claps for each. The loudest for Ray. The Aviator gets the award.
9:35 Mike Myers makes the funny. Counting Crows. My god the hair!
9:42 Adapted Screenplay -- They announce Adam Sandler and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Zeta-Jones is a no show. Rock runs out and does her lines. "Hilarity" ensues as all Sadler's lines are about how sexy Zeta-Jones is dressed. Sideways gets the award. Payne doesn't have a chance for director.
9:46 Visual Effects. Jake Gyllenhaal is a bigger than he looked in Donnie Darko. Is he on steroids? Spider-man 2 gets the award. John Dykstrasays he's glad there wasn't a fourth Lord of the Rings.
9:49 the Academy President comes out to dedicate the ceremony to the troops. Blah, blah, blah. Why not work to get them home?
9:50 He introduces Al Pacino who is there to give an honorary Oscar to Sidney Lumet. 12 Angry Men is enough to deserve the award. Dog Day Afternoon, Network, Serpico, The Verdict and Running on Empty are icing.
10:04 Beyoncé again? Can't they find a singer in America? Well, her hair is better than Adam Duritz's.
10:08 Rock: "Two songs Janet Jackson and nothing has fallen out"
10:09 Live Short Action Film. Jeremy Irons heard a loud crack and makes his own "I hope they missed." Andrea Arnold wins for WASP. Her speech ends with: In english we'd say "This is the dogs bullocks"
10:12 A Canadian wins for animated short: Ryan
10:14 Kate Winslet wears the last remaining primary color for floor length gown. Doesn't anyone go for a different length anymore? Oh, and the Aviator wins again. This time for Cinematography. He thanks the nurses and doctors taking care of his hospitalized mom. Nice boy.
10:20 Rock's sexist joke of the night: "You won't be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Penélope Cruz and Salma Hayek."
10:22 Ray wins for Sound Mixing. The show director quickly cuts to Jamie Foxx who is looking for someone in the audience. I wonder why everyone on stage was wearing tuxs. I think one was a woman. Did they want everyone to match?
10:23 Another award for Hayek and Cruz. Sound Editing this time. The Incredibles. We're reminded that this isn't a technical award, but given for artistic descsions."
10:27 Hayek introduces the next song and gives an English translation of one part. The video is jumpy. Was someone worried she'd say something political?
(Update: Links added Feb. 28)
