Demand to be so seen you disappear.
I went to a lesbian bar tonight to listen to a lesbian duo.
Doesn't that sound wrong? Why couldn't I have written "I went to a sports bar to listen to a duo?"
Because a great many "breeders" make perfectly normal people so uncomfortable they sometimes choose to separate themselves from the rest of our bar hopping society.
(If you just thought "Gays aren't perfectly normal" then just click the close button on your browser and lose this URL. There is nothing for you here. Move along.)
I was - by consensus of the group I was with -- the only straight guy there. The owner gave me the "Are you sure you want to come in here" look when I pulled out my cover, but green money spends equally here...and she could have found plenty of help tossing my ass out the door if I caused a fuss. So I got to go in and listen.
I stood in the back and tried to remain as invisible as possible. Well, as invisible as a bearded man in his 40s could be in a room full of happy women. I think it worked. Everyone ignored me. They danced. They flirted. They laughed. They drank. They told loud stories. They sang along.
Just like in that bar you went to in your 20s.
Get the point?
Remember when you kissed your boyfriend? No one pointed, gasped, or tried to beat the hell out of you. Remember that night you heard your favorite song and just had to help the band sing? No one snickered at you. (Well, they did, but they were polite about it.)
You could do that because you were "part of the crowd." You could be invisible in it.
And it really pisses me off that some people still want to rope off a segment of society.
Listen up: the "in crowd" includes all humans.
Just go the next time a band plays that you like. Even if they're playing in a "straight" club. Dress exactly like you would anywhere else. Kiss your partner square on the mouth during the slow song. Tell racy gay jokes. In other words, be exactly your own true self.
If someone objects...politely ask them to return to the rabbit hole from whence they came...and pull the dirt back in behind them.
You don't have to be gay to say that either. If you're straight and you see a gay person harassed then it is just as important that you voice your objection.
Prejudice doesn't have a sexual orientation. Fight it where you see it.
I'd like to say I stayed long after my friends called it a night. I could have. I liked the duo. I wasn't sleepy. But I listened to one more song and walked out without a look back.
Why? Because I just didn't feel right invading their space. Society -- through laws and mores --- fights to alienate and quarantine those women every day.
And they didn't need some hayseed gawker standing there reminding them of that fact.
